Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
