another moral hangover. fuck.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
