sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
