Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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