she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
