she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
