worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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