my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
