I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
