I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
