no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
