I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
