cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
