We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
