Just fell off a train. Bad.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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