Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
