is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need to calm my uterus...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
