Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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