Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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