talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
