we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
