I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
