My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
