butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have fence marks all over my body
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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