So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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