bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
