I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
