Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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