I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
