My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need water and some morals
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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