woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He shit in the fireplace
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
