You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
