her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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