Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
