Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
