the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
