I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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