i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
