We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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