He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
