Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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