Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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