Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I cockslap morals
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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