I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I love you.
Bad choice
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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