"it" just moved
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
