dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i would punch a child for taco bell
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
