I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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