some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
