You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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