I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
