i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
