"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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