You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
