Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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