Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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