no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
