I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
