I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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