I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
