Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
